I don’t generally share a lot of personal stuff here, but since I’ve been away and I can’t think of ANYTHING else, I’m going to share something with you that’s from my real fucking life. I was diagnosed with an incredibly rare and life-threatening condition on Monday. Yes, yesterday, on Canadian Thanksgiving. What fucking irony.
I don’t know if I should scream or punch the wall or fucking curse out the mailman for wearing those little blue shorts. I want to grab a checker at Wal-Mart and throttle the life out of them. I want to smash all the beautiful things into impossibly small pieces.
These aren’t normal thoughts. Hell, they’re not even healthy thoughts. But, as writers, we’re often filled with very uncomfortable feelings and notions that we should really never tell anybody else. Not our spouses, certainly not our family, but other writers get it. Every day is an exercise in sorting out the inappropriateness.
Every fucking day you probably wonder what would happen if you set the neighbor’s fucking nasty house on fire or planted a bomb under that car with the unholy booming base. You don’t, because you’re still hanging onto some semblance of sanity, but we’re the ones… we’re the ones that when we slip, we fall all the fucking way down.
We imagine evil. We’re not all peace and calm inside. As copywriters, we have to shove that aside and work with another part of our brain, the one that doesn’t want to break and burn. But some days… some days…. there’s simply nothing else.
What do we do? How do we overcome these urges?
I vote that we don’t. Let’s use those days to bring fucking maniacs to life and birth the kind of darkness that keeps normal people awake for a full week. Let’s learn how to dig out that black stuff and ride it to the end. Why the fuck not? Why should we be forced to always write the happy, punchy stuff?
Every copywriter has a dark, evil novelist in them. Every one. We reject our nasty side too much — we need to grab that guy and chain him to the keyboard. Because he’s the evil maniac we need sometimes.
I have to write copy today. But I have to spew out all my darkness. I need to blow something up on the page.