Believe it or not, strange people approach me all the time with a lot of probing questions. Since I already know what burns in your soul, I’ve drawn up this FAQ to help answer some of the most common questions you probably have.
1. So, you’re a writer. What do you do for money?
I write words. Mostly, I write blogs for companies who have complicated products they’d like their customers to understand better, but sometimes I ghost write for industry publications or do a little reporting. I’m flexible is what I’m saying. Businesses and marketing firms come to me when they don’t know where to find an expert in lava lamps, the history of nachos or movies starting with the letter “Y.” All those changes of majors in college have finally paid off!
2. Wait, do you this for pay?
Yeah, try not to look so shocked. The Internet’s a big sea of words and I’m just another hand on the poop deck. Ha ha. Poop.
3. Hold on, are you independently wealthy?
Sadly, no. I wish I were, it would make the sound of deadlines whizzing by my head a lot funnier.
4. Ok, ok. I get it. So, how can I get into freelance writing?
There are lots of opportunities for writers who are willing to hone their craft, work hard for little pay for a while and prostitute themselves in the general direction of anybody who will hire them. I have lots of advice and I intend to use this blog to disburse it, hang tight.
5. Any advice for budding freelancers?
Yes. Don’t quit your day job unless you love stress, feed on anxiety and generally think that the only way your stomach will function is if it’s eating itself.
6. I want to hire a freelancer, can you help me choose one?
Absolutely. Message me for more details, I have a huge network of freelancers who can fill any need you might have. Really. They’re awesome and they didn’t even pay me to say that.
7. Are you available for hire?
My availability is extremely limited, but I do occasionally have openings. The more unusual your project, the more likely I am to consider it. Please email me for more information or for a custom quote.
8. What’s your favorite kind of donut?
Asking me to choose my favorite donut is like asking you to choose your favorite child: you know you have one, but you sure hate to admit it. Am I right? Ok, if I could be serous for a second, the answer is glazed — chocolate glazed is even better.
9. What’s with all the goats?
You may from time to time see goat jokes floating around here, or the hashtag #BlameGoats on my Facebook feed. I used to be a goat farmer (really), and the other writers won’t ever let me live it down.
10. You’re not funny — you know that, don’t you?
It’s true. *cries and runs away*